You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
