Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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