Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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