Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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