Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
