It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do vagina's smell?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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