I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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