Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

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(904): View more from Florida

how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard

Fav 13 1187 2130
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(757): View more from Virginia

6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.

Fav 42 5631 1116
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

Fav 10 2535 4090
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(604): View more from British Columbia

You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

Fav 11 4022 1403
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(204): View more from Manitoba

I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night

Fav 5 1165 2307
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(480): View more from Arizona

Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail

Fav 0 43 27
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?

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