All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You smell like a Billy Joel song
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
