Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
