I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
