U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
