god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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