A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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