What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
