i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize