its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
3 2 1 whiskey
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
