Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
