He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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