I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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