ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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