We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
