I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Terrible idea I love it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
