The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize