why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
