Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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