i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
