Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is Oprah even human
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
