If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
