why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He? As in you personified your dick?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
