i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
