its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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