Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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