can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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