Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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