I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize