So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
