yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
