I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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