singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
