I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
