I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
