The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
