Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
