In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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