Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
