This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
