My liver just broke up with me...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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