He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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