so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
