wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
