i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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