i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize