Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
time to smoke my breakfast
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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