a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There's even glitter on my cock...
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