The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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