How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
