I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
