just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
