You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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