another moral hangover. fuck.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
