did you get engaged???
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
