Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
