i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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