Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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