i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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